Thursday, January 14, 2010

Be careful, it's my first time.

Wow, Amanda Williams just knocked over Keira McDonald's beer. It must be the 14/48 meeting. That's right, sports fans, it's the first night of what will, for many, mark the first night of a three night bender. The drug of choice? Keg beer. The fare? Virgins. Not the kind that you avoid on dating sites, but the kind that are about to partake in their first 14/48 weekend. But wait, there's more! In 14/48, like in Christianity, a person can be a virgin more than once. That's right, anytime somebody is participating in 14/48 for the FIRST TIME in any given pursuit, whether it be writing, directing, acting, or playing in the band, they get to be a VIRGIN all over again.
But what does that really mean? To be a virgin in 14/48? Is it like sex? Yes. It is. Consider this; you spend hours and hours working at getting some, you sweat a lot, fearing that you won't be good, drink to gain confidence, try to make jokes, then it's over in ten minutes. Some will come out victorious. Some will crumble under the pressure. Most will fill up someone's keg cup. If this were a frat party, we could all get busted for hazing. However, it's not a frat party. Those are lame. It's the world's quickest theater festival, and it is a testing ground. Amanda Williams,--you know, the one who spilled a beer right off the bat--just leaned over and told me that she played a stripper on her big night. One poor, poor virge carried her script on stage, and was never heard from again. Over the next coupla days, I will provide more stories about the virgin experience, from interviews with virgins and veterans alike, to bring you, the reader, that much closer to the experience that is about as close to combat as a theater dork will ever get.

David Goldstein: "Do the virgins have to wear their name badges on stage?"

No, Dave. But you do have to fill up my beer. Hurry up, Dave. I am thirsty.


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