sympathy pangs

Dudes, it drives me effing crazy not to be at 14/48 from moment one until moment final. I was on the Steering Committee until those fuckers bounced me off when they discovered that I was embezzling millions of dollars. (Forget I said that, omg my lawyer's going to kill me.) My point is that I used to be around it all the time and now I am not and I have a dull ache about it. It's vague anxiety and jealousy and possessiveness and joy and pride and excitement all mixed up and baked into a nice pot pie. I cannot wait for tonight to see all my lovers absolutely kill it. (I will of course be in disguise because of the restraining order thing; whatever.)